A Funny Thing Happened to Me...

on the way to blog yesterday...

People - well, okay, my Mother in particular; have always made claims that my home is a zoo.
Over the years, I've had skunks, possums, squirrels, birds, rabbits, dogs, cats, ferrets, rats, mice, cows, goats, chickens and horses... feel like I am forgetting something...
Oh yeah... and Oliver... a 3 foot long green snake that I forgot to keep an eye on and who... hmm...
let's just say my Mom spent the better part of 2 years opening drawers and cupboards very carefully. *grin*

So it should really have come as no surprise (to me or anyone who knows me) when I walked out back on yesterday to have a ciggie I would be the one to catch a glimpse of brown fur in the trees behind my house.

Naturally, being the fearless nature enthusiast... I went in for a closer look...

I rubbed my eyes and tried to adjust to the sunshine and looked again...

Dude!! There is a flippin' monkey in my tree!

Now, not having any experience with lions, and tigers and bears (oh my, that's another story huh?) ... and the closest circus training I've had is trying to wrangle 2 divas out the door and onto a waiting bus, 5 minutes after waking them ...
... it should be easy to see why having a chimpanzee in your backyard can be quite exciting... and perhaps even overwhelming..

I did what any woman over the age of 25 would do...
I screamed like a schoolgirl and ran for the house (and the safety of 2 inch sliding glass door)!!

I must have been quite the sight... that's all I can say.
A blur of smoke, hot pink and flesh was probably all this poor little guy witnessed. Enough to frighten even the fiercest of beasts.

At first, the little chimp, in a terrified frenzy, scampered higher into the tree to gain valuable vantage (and probably to decide if I was dangerous as well as crazy). Then, apparently after gauging that I was more intimidated by him than he of me... he hopped out of the tree and through the brush.

and closer...

and closer still...


Now friends, I am not ashamed to admit... my heart was racing... my palms were sweaty and my head was reeling!
I couldn't have really just seen what I thought I saw. Must be the menthols making my head light. (or, since it was early afternoon, I mixed up my afternoon ice-coffee with my evening cocktail and hadn't noticed... nah... couldn't have been that!)
Was there really a chimp in my backyard? In the "city"? by the ocean?

I mustered up all my strength (and courage) and slid the backdoor open about an inch..

Yup... only he was no longer in the trees.. or in the brush on the outskirts of my backyard..
he was now in my pumpkin patch (okay, so it's not a patch so much as a plant or two... but it was mere inches from my backdoor... and from me!)

I called for the dog..
nuttin.. (well, I suppose in the dog's defense.. it was probably more of a whisper than an actual call)

I "psst psst" for the cat..
he just rolled his eyes at me with that "what? deal with your own delusions - I'm busy" and went back to sleep...

I was on my own..
and I would have been fine...
IF he hadn't done what he was about to do...

he turned right to me.. looked at me ... winked... and then preceded to lecture me about the dangers of smoking.. then, in one of those Cat In The Hat Returns type moments, he turned tail and made a beeline for the brush line.
I haven't opened the slider since.

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