When I was a young turkey and new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop.
He then sat me down, while he spoke really slow,
and told me there were somethings that I just had to know;
His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he spoke of the horrors of . . . "Black November".
"Come about August, now listen to me,
you'll be feed several times daily, instead of just three.
Each day you'll get thicker, where once you were thin,
and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.
Then one morning, when you're all warm in your bed,
the farmer's wife will burst in and she'll hack off your head!
She'll pluck out your feathers so you're bald and raw pink,
and scoop out all your insides, staight into the sink!
But then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear-end with stuffing!"
Well, the rest of his words, I find too grim to repeat,
so, I sat on the stoop, like a winged piece of meat.
That's when I decided to avoid being cooked,
I would have to lay low and remain overlooked.
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola.
As the rest of the birds ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room working out to Jane Fonda tapes.
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
and tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed.
But it was I who was laughing, although under my breath,
as they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
and smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming........"
This young Tom is one Turkey you don't have to feel guilty about sitting on the Thanksgiving Day table.
He is available for your crocheting pleasure at FiberDoodles by K4TT on etsy. Just like the rest of the KISS Series, the KISS Turkey is crocheted using the simplest of stitches and techniques to create a one of a kind treat for the little ones in your family. Model was approximately 12 inches in height and about 7 inches in width.
Pattern contains 2 visual aides (tutorials) for both the feet and wings.
Black November/A Turkey's Lament - unknown author
This story is one that I eMail each year and still get a chuckle from.
